Monday, August 4, 2014

In Hiding

It's been several weeks since I last posted. I kind of consider myself hibernating, or in hiding if you will.

I have yet to get used to my new schedule, when I get off of work, I can't go right to bed, so some nights I stay up until 11, 12, 1 am depends on what is going on, and then getting out of bed in the morning is equally as difficult.

I cannot get out of my own way, I feel like a drone, there are days I don't go outside because by the time I get out of bed, shower and start functioning I have to go to work.

Every week I say I'm going to start working out, and then I just lay in bed.

My cousin announced she was pregnant. I barely made it out of my parents house without bursting into tears. My mother is so excited about a new baby in the family and my cousin is my parents godchild and as happy as I am for her, I cannot help feeling bad about it for myself. Selfish I guess but as my prospects for ever having my own child dwindle further along, announcements and painting on a smile and a "I'm so happy for you" gets harder and harder, especially when my Mother is just over the moon about it and can't stop talking about it.

I don't know how to get myself out of this funk and I think I waited to post for so long because I hate to whine and feel sorry for myself.

Financially things are tough again due to some medical bills that I have to pay and my stomach has been a mess again stressing out about money. I'm reading a new book about trying to pinpoint what foods really don't agree with my stomach.

I feel like I need some spiritual advisor to come and do some ritual in my house or over me to get rid of some negative energy.

How is the summer going for everyone here? Please share some happy news you have going on, maybe some of your happiness will rub off on me.


Cindy said...

have you read it?

Norma said...

I'll email you tonight.

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