New Year...New You!

A lot of people make New Years Resolutions to lose weight and get fit and they have lofty goals that are usually squashed by February and their massive amounts of chocolate they receive or buy for themselves in honor of Saint Valentine.

I typically do not make New Years Resolutions, the notion always seemed odd to me. But I will say that my goals for 2013 is to pay off more debt, continue on my weight loss journey to lose those last 56 lbs to be at my goal weight, be so great at my job that my boss finally hires me full time and maybe towards the end of 2013 have a proverbial bun in the oven.

If your mouth just fell agape at my last goal, well let me assure you, I've been putting this off for many years now. After I divorced in 1998 (fully ready after being together for 7 years to have a baby) my world was rocked with him leaving and having an affair. I licked my wounds and moved on, I have yet to find Mr. Right and my biological clock has been ticking so loudly for the last 10 years that I have a hard time hearing anything else. Factor in PCOS and the lack of my body to function in a normal way when it comes to ovulating the days, years, and time just keep ticking by. I am turning 40 in May. I realize women can get pregnant later in life, but quite frankly I don't want to be 60 and having a kid, I want to raise someone while I am still young enough to run around with them. So it is my goal, however unlike so many people in our society I do not want to burden my fellow taxpayers by just popping out kids and collecting a check every month (another driving force as to why I've waited) so this will definitely be contingent on me being hired full time by the company. I need health insurance and the ability to go on maternity leave and get a paycheck still.

I want to try new things this year, I would like to learn to run properly, maybe do a 5k, a warrior dash (nothing like playing in mud), just try new things and step out of my comfort zone a little. I may also take another cake decorating class in the springtime.

Whatever I do I'm going to give 100% like I do with everything in life. I also vow to stop letting holidays rule my emotions. As someone who has been single for about 15 years or so...the holidays tend to bring me down, it's hard to see families and couples at this time of year and not help but feel lonely.  I guarantee you the rest of the year, I'm fine, (maybe a couple boo hoo moments when I get my period and my hormones are raging) but other than that, I have such a great family and group of friends that I don't feel those pangs of loneliness, but there is something about the holidays that always brings it out.  If you know me in real life, you know I don't share my feelings too often, I'm the girl that always has a smile on my face, always lends an ear to everyone else, but doesn't like to share how bad I'm feeling and prime example why I don't. So because it's the holidays I tend to talk about boyfriends/etc. lack of having any one more often and a friend of mine said "You talk about wanting a boyfriend a lot" and it kind of smacked me in the face and she said "Just relax it will happen"  If there is one thing I would like to reiterate to those of you out there who have been married forever, or in long term relationships. Telling a woman on the verge of hitting 40, who hasn't had a significant other in 15 years and who really wants to have a baby to "just relax and it will happen" NOT HELPFUL! I know she meant well, I know she didn't mean it maliciously and so I just swallowed the lump that rose in my throat and moved on and vowed not to bring up boyfriends or relationships ever again in front of her.

I think people who have been in relationships for a long time, truly forget how difficult dating is and if they haven't dated anyone since the early 90s because they met in college or high school or through a friend, they have NO IDEA how completely positively fucktastic the Internet dating world is. It just completely sucks to date online. When you are almost 40, a lot of people's mutual friends are already married, so there is no "setting up" a friend with a friend and factor in I still have to lose 56 lbs, it's just not ideal for the dating world. Never mind that men my age have been screwed over by other women so they are bitter. I have gotten from friends that I'm not trying hard enough, that I should just not think about it and it will happen, that I need to join all the dating sites, that I need to not take rejection on a daily basis through those websites personally etc. and so forth...all from people who have NEVER had to experience any of it, suddenly they are the experts.

So as we are upon a new year, I am really going to try and live in the moment and not let outside influences such as the holidays damper my spirits.  What is meant for my life will happen and if that means I live with my two cats in a condo alone for the rest of my life, well I guess that's the way it has to be. Maybe my purpose in this life was to be a friend to others.

Last night I got invited to a friend of a friend's house to spend NYE with him and his daughter. He only lives a few streets over from me so it will be nice not having to drive far to come home. He bought those Chinese lantern kite thingies to let off, so I thought it would be a nice idea for us to make a wish for the new year before we release it.

So my wish for all of my readers this upcoming year is to reach your goals with weight loss, keep striving for the best person you can be and enjoy every moment of your life, reflect on what you have done that you didn't feel added positivity to your life and change that. Life is too short to stay mired in the muck. Stay positive people.

What would your wish be for the upcoming year?