Break from our regularly scheduled programming....

Today I am veering away from diet and fitness (and I got up this morning at 5 am thank you very much and worked out! YAY).

While I am working, listening to the Benghazi hearings I wanted to pick my readers brains about relationships.

I’ve been divorced for quite some time now, about 14 years to be exact. Wow! Time flies when you are having fun huh? I’m about to turn 40 in another week...YIKES!  so really these are just ramblings to see what other peoples experiences are when it comes to relationships.

Have you ever met someone in your life that has been in your same “sphere” but you never actually crossed paths. For example: they went to the same camp as you as a kid but you never knew them, they lived in another state just as you were leaving that same state (3000 miles away from home).  Basically you just keep missing each other for some reason or another? 

Now they are in your life, you are friends but you feel a deep emotional connection to them and you can’t explain it?  Maybe you shouldn’t have feelings for this person, maybe they are married, coworker, or involved in another relationship but you can’t help how you feel. You think about them all the time, they remember things you say to them months earlier something you said in an offhanded remark, or just in passing but they remembered. It’s endearing, but is it real? When every fiber in your body screams you are going to get hurt but you keep putting your hand out in the fire just to feel the pain? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

They check up on you to see how you are pretty regularly and when you know something is wrong with them by just a feeling in your stomach and you text/call/email them to ask what’s going on and then they come back and tell you something bad that has occurred and you are just sitting in awe saying, is it a 6^th sense or was it just a coincidence? and vice versa. 

Please share your stories. I’m intrigued.

Cranky Pants

I'm a cranky pants right now and I'm not sure how to pull myself out of it.

As everyone knows Boston was hit with bombs on Monday at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, what should have been a fun and energetic time, turned deadly and frightening. I sat shocked and stunned at work watching it play out like everyone else and crying like a baby as my mind raced back to the day when the planes hit the twin towers on 9/11.

Tuesday, still reeling from the events from Monday, I had a pretty decent day at work, the girls and I went out to lunch and had fun, when we returned from lunch there was an ominous mandatory conference call request to the recruiters/sales team but excluded my bosses and the administrative staff. Speculation began and everyone started getting nervous. Long story very short. Everyone got fired, my bosses, my sales team, my recruiters. The only ones left standing after the dust cleared was the three administrative staff, including myself. I couldn't cry as I was just numb. I am still numb a week later. I feel so awkward, uncomfortable. It's just a very strange feeling all around. I can't really explain it.

The rest of the week I kind of just managed to lumber through, putting one foot in front of the other. Yesterday consisted of me spending almost half of the day in bed. Until I finally got out of bed, showered and felt a little normal at that point and uncluttered my closets, drawers and filled about 5 boxes with donations for GoodWill.

Because work is so chaotic right now, all I can do is focus on myself. I prepped all my food for the week and am prepared to keep a eye on everything.

I also decided to take a facebook hiatus. The constant barrage of facebook posts about the Boston incident is getting to be too much for me. Not because it upsets me about the incident itself but it makes me angry, a good portion of the individuals posting "Boston Strong" and "You fucked with the wrong city" are so apathetic in their own lives, who just shift through their days bitching about their ex husbands, the latest reality TV show, etc and so forth and do not involve themselves in politics, who are not the least involved in the world that they inhabit in any meaningful way that I just sit there and read their posts and say to myself, Fuck you in a week when the Kardashians are on, these same people who didn't give two shits about Benghazi, Fast and Furious, any of it, but when it hits their town, well suddenly they are going to be in the streets protesting. I don't buy it, I don't believe it, they will be apathetic again in one week and it just pisses me off.

I'm shooting for 6 days of workouts this week and being spot on with my eating. I will report the good bad and the ugly next weekend. I promise. I need to be held accountable for what I did right and what I did wrong. I can't be fat for the summer AGAIN!

The Evil Men Do

What can I say about the tragic events today at the Boston Marathon that you probably are already feeling yourself.

I'm thankful that all my friends that went, are safe. I'm glad I wasn't there this year.

Today's images flashing on the TV, listening on the radio, I was catapulted back to 9/11. Except this was much closer to home. I sat in my office at work crying.

There are evil people in this world. Hug your loved ones a little closer tonight. I hugged the cats, much to their chagrin. Cats aren't really loveable like that but it made me feel better, and when I see my preggo co-worker tomorrow she'll probably be annoyed with all the hugs I plan on giving her.

It can all end in a moment. Cherish your moments.

Keep Moving

This blog post may seem a bit schizophrenic for my typical readers but trust me this is just me unloading the jumbles of stuff going on in my little pea brain.

Thursday the admins and I had a conference call with our bosses, basically to tell them how we got a world of blame from the HR manager last week and how we are currently increasingly overwhelmed and need their support. After the call we all felt really heard and understood. Until Friday arrived and we got dumped in our laps payroll for the other team and basically told do it or walk. Ummm okay. So needless to say going into the weekend I was pretty irritated. I decided to just let it go, I'm tired and if another job falls in my lap and has good benefits, well I will just have to walk, not because I don't really like the company I work for, but because I've been working here for 7 months, I've more than proved myself to them and yet I'm still contract, as I'm turning 40 next month I need insurance.

Yesterday I went out with my mom looking at washer/dryers. I wasn't wanting to buy yet, as I was trying to wait until I remodeled the bathroom, however my dryer three weeks ago and lugging my laundry to my moms every week is annoying me already. I found a pretty decent deal at Home Depot, but I want to hit up my local veteran owned appliance store on Monday before making my purchase. Hopefully to be delivered and installed this week.  Mom and Dad are going to buy it as my birthday/christmas gift per my request.

I want to tell you guys about this new product I've been using.  I'm sure you've seen all the hype on TV for "BB" creams. I had no idea what the heck they were and what all the hype was about, so I went and read up on them, they intrigued me a bit since I am getting older and could use some "wrinkle" help but also I do not use foundation so a little coverage would help as well. The more I read the more I realized choosing the american version is not the best to purchase, I decided on purchasing the asian version. I settled on Skin79 brand (I got on Amazon) after watching a few online youtube reviews.  This might be my new favorite product ever. My skin feels amazing and I may have found my new secret obsession!!!

This weekend I cleaned the house and Sunday morning woke up with a neck ache and as I sat here trying to rub it away, all I could think was, I wish I had someone here to help me rub this kink out. I felt kind of lonely.  It's hard not to have a constant person in your life to share your joys, laughs, and sorrows with. To wake up and snuggle up against, to throw a picture frame at when you are angry or to hold hands with. *sigh* just feeling a bit blue. So I'm sharing with you, my loyal readers...you are my virtual boyfriend today. Lucky you because I am pretty fantastic in bed. Just saying.

Thanks for always listening and I'm going to keep moving.

I have *IT*

The weather here has been gorgeous the last few days. So I pulled out this adorable little dress that I purchased for myself swapped out the yellow belt for a black and I rocked it, much better than the model in the picture, I'm not going to lie.

But here is the "IT"...sometimes us girls need to feel pretty, we need to feel sexy and sometimes we just don't feel it. So while getting dressed in this cute little dress, I put on some black lacy panties, my black garter belt and black thigh highs and nobody had any idea I was wearing them underneath this cute little dress but me and well all of you now know. But I gotta tell you, you want a quick pick me up, you want to put a little swagger in your step and make you feel like you have a secret nobody else can know about. Wear some sexy stuff under your everyday clothes.

You'll feel like one sexy biatch!

Dare I say it's Spring??

A cold front came through my part of the country this week, it felt downright freezing out after having a lovely week of 50+ weather. So today, it's much nicer, the sun is shining the sky is blue and I have a little spring in my step.

This is the view from my office window, just makes you want to do some cartwheels doesn't it?

This week went pretty well, although Aunt Flo came to punch me in the Uterus and remind me that I am not pregnant again. I wish she could just come, drop a note off "Hey you aren't pregnant" and that would be it. Why the epic battle of control of my insides for a few days?

Anyhow, this made me a little weepy and Thursday received some texts from the guy first thing in the morning which made me sad sack bastard all day long, paired with a million phone calls in regards to payroll issues and I just have to chalk it up to a fantastic day. I now have a conference call again about the payroll issues, because 50 phone calls yesterday apparently we haven't quite killed the horse that we've been beating for the last 24 hours.

The diet this week wasn't stellar, I can blame nobody but myself, my uterus and chocolate from Easter that made it's way into my belly. Lucky for me, other than those issues my regular eating has been spot on so I have no gain at all, although still no loss. I really need to get my shit together, The food is the major stumbling block right now.

I would like to go out at lunchtime just to get some fresh air but you know I'm in conference call hell.

Any good plans for the weekend? I am planning on trying to do a little running to see if the chiropractic work I've had done is helping with my foot issues.

New Seasons

This weekend could possibly go down as one of the more craptastic weekends of my life. I haven't even managed to drag myself out of bed yet. Oh I have been up for a couple hours....after barely managing to fall asleep around two am.

I managed to end a 13 yr relationship on Friday in fact I am not even sure he quite understands I ended it due to the conversation I had with him yesterday. As usual it's my fault. I am putting too much pressure on him when he is so stressed out but I currently feel useless. I am a helper by nature if you are going through something difficult I want to help.

I don't feel wanted, needed, helpful none of these things right now just utterly useless and me feeling useless just makes him feel worse.

Went back to my contractor in regards to pricing on the bathroom remodel and it's double what I budgeted. Unfortunately I kind of knew that might happen, bathrooms are expensive and I am doing a complete overhaul of both.

The final nail in the coffin was finishing my taxes. I owe $1138 to the Feds and $610 to the state of MA. Shipped out half the money to the Feds this morning, MA is coming out on the 16th and paying some installments to the Feds for the remainder.

All in all it's been a shitty weekend. On top of it I am pmsing because really why not be a hormonal basket case on top of everything.

Hope your plans for Easter include getting outside to enjoy some spring air and sunshine and healthy treats.